From the Ground Up
by Phil Hardwick
Published: June 26,2000
It’s summertime and that means moving season is in full swing.Couples aregetting married and buying new homes, transferees are following moving vansto new locales, and others are just moving up.
Often people don’t find out until it’s too late that they have made aserious mistake.Unfortunately, the longer it takes to realize the mistakethe longer it takes to rectify it.Therefore, in the interest of pubicservice I present the below items that might help the hapless homeowner take the appropriate corrective action before it’s too late.
TEN CLUES THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BOUGHT THE WRONG HOUSE
1.At the closing you overhear the seller tell the closing attorney, “Ithought no one was ever going to look at that house.”
2.It rains on the day you move in and the back yard turns into a lake.
3.Your next-door neighbor asks you for the name of the pest control companythat handled the termite damage claim.
4.Your son places his baseball in the middle of the room and it slowlystarts rolling toward the corner.
5.At night you hear scratching noises in the attic.
6.You find a bullet lodged in the baseboard of the hallway.
7.You receive a “Happy 4th” card from a local plumber.
8.Your other next-door neighbor drops in and says, “I just wanted to meetthe family that would buy this house.”
9.You hear water running from somewhere, but you can’t find the source.
10. Your nightlight arcs at night and the electrician who comes to repair itsays, “I didn’t know they used aluminum wiring anymore.”
TEN CLUES THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BOUGHT IN THE WRONG NEIGHBORHOOD
1.Your first Friday night at home a shady-looking guy comes to your frontdoor and says, “All I got tonight is $20.Will you take it?”
2.At the creek behind your property you see four people dressed in whatlooks like shiny space suits with the letters “EPA” on their backs.
3.During the first six months you live in the neighborhood, seven houses onyour street come on the market — and don’t sell.
4.During the second six months all those houses become rental properties.
5.You attempt to start a homeowners association and are told that everybodyis already paying protection.
6.On New Year’s Eve your neighbors fire shotguns and pistols into the air at the stroke of midnight.
7.You notice that gas, electric, phone and cable guys all come in pairs.
8.All your male neighbors wear T-shirts and fix something under theircars every Saturday morning.
9.All your female neighbors smoke cigarettes or cigars.
10. You never have a visit from anyone attempting to save your soul.
I started to add 10 clues that you might have moved to the wrong town, but Ifigured if three or more of the above applied to you it was already too late.
Phil Hardwick’s column appears regularly in the Mississippi Business Journal. His e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
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